Usagi in DICLand
by tofumalfoy
Summary: Gasp! Somehow the original Japanese and DIC-dubbed Sailormoon universes have been combined! Whatever will happen to Our Heroes?
1. Part 1

~ Title: Usagi in DIC-Land (part 1 of 2)  
  
~ Fandom: Sailormoon (first season)  
  
~ Author: Tofumalfoy (tofumalfoy @ yahoo.com)  
  
~ Rating: PG-13  
  
~ Category: humor, parody-ish  
  
~ Warnings: scattered profanity, utter confusion, hints of homosexuality (Kunzite x Zoicite, Nephrite x Jaedite), major character death (but come on, folks, it's supposed to be funny)  
  
~ Archive: Ask and ye shall receive  
  
~ Disclaimer: The story's mine, the characters aren't. How depressing. Except the members of "The Tuxedo Kamen Show." They _are_ mine, and that's depressing too.  
  
~ Feedback: I am aching to know what people think of this one. Sooo . . . .pleeeeeeeeeease??? ^.^  
  
~ Notes: This was my first-ever fic and it still manages to amuse me, though it's somewhat out-of-date now that up to SuperS has been dubbed. To anyone who didn't know, DIC was the original butcherer of Sailormoon for America and Canada.  
Please also note that this fic is potentially confusing as hell, because it features the casts of both the original Japanese series _and_ the North American dub, with only slight variations as to spelling. My apologies if it's too anally spelling-dependent.  
  
~ Vocabulary: Senshi: soldier/warrior  
henshin: transform  
fuku: clothes/uniform  
Odango-atama: dumpling head (Mamoru's nickname for Usagi)  
  
**  
  
"Jaedite!"  
  
"Yes, Beryl-sama?" The pale general appeared and bowed.  
  
The snakelike Queen glared at him. "I am very displeased with your apparent lack of progress, Jaedite. The Sailor Senshi keep forcing you to retreat, and there are only three of them! Remember that in the Silver Millennium there were four, not to mention the Senshi representing the outer planets!"  
  
"Hmhmhmhm," Zoicite appeared, with Nephrite and Kunzite behind him. "Jaedite, you're so weak! You can't even defeat a couple Sailor Senshi! When I get a chance at them . . ."  
  
"Zoicite! You're supposed to be training with Nephrite and Kunzite!" Beryl hissed.  
  
"Slut," Jaedite muttered.  
  
"He's completed his training and is now fully qualified to be one of your generals, your majesty," Kunzite said quickly.  
  
"Because he's a WHORE!!" Jaedite yelled.  
  
Zoicite shrieked and the two went flying at each other, batting hands and pulling hair.  
  
"GIRLFIGHT!" Nephrite yelled and began laughing. He and Kunzite watched with interest, gambling on who would win.  
  
Queen Beryl's eyes flashed. "ZOICITE! JAEDITE!"  
  
The two stopped fighting and stood up straight beside each other. Nephrite and Kunzite also recovered.  
  
"How can you expect to defeat the Sailor Senshi if you can't even get along with each other? Jaedite, go to your room."  
  
"Yes, your majesty." He vanished.  
  
"Nephrite, you too."  
  
Nephrite gave a courteous bow and vanished as well.  
  
"Zoicite, go to Kunzite's room."  
  
Zoicite grinned. "Yes, Beryl-sama."  
  
"Yes!" Kunzite whispered to himself.  
  
"KUNZITE!"  
  
"Yes, Beryl-sama?"  
  
"WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CHANGE THAT ORDER?"  
  
Kunzite closed his eyes solemnly.  
  
"GOOD! Now go to your room."  
  
"Yes, Beryl-sama." He and Zoicite vanished.  
  
**  
  
Usagi, Rei, Ami, and Luna were sitting on the steps near the bell at the Hikawa Shrine.  
  
"So, tell us about those weird signals you've been receiving, Ami-chan!" Rei said.  
  
"Well," Ami began. "On my computer I've been picking up some unusual signals, but I haven't been able to pinpoint their location! It's almost like they're not coming from this universe!  
  
The Senshi gasp collectively.  
  
"And they're not coming from the Dark Kingdom, either!" Luna added.  
  
Usagi said, "Wow, you mean another universe!"  
  
Ami and Luna got sweat-drops.  
  
"No, you idiot!" Rei said.  
  
Well, what DO you mean?"  
  
"Somehow my tracking device is being blocked and reflected into empty space!"  
  
The Senshi and Luna gasp (again) collectively.  
  
"Well, Senshi, what are you going to do about this difficulty?" Luna asked.  
  
"Luna, do you honestly think that Usagi could do anything to help figure out what's going on?" Rei asked.  
  
"Rei-chan!" Ami exclaimed.  
  
"Rei, you're always so MEAN to me!" Usagi complained.  
  
"Yes, Rei," Luna said. "Even though Usagi is a ditzy crybaby—"  
  
"HEY!" Usagi yelled.  
  
". . . you must remember that she IS Sailormoon, the leader of the Sailor Senshi. She will continue to develop her skills the more we fight the Dark Kingdom."  
  
"That's right, Rei!" Usagi stuck out her tongue at Rei, and Rei stuck her tongue at Usagi. They began arguing loudly.  
  
Luna said, "Why don't we try to figure out where that signal is coming from, Ami-chan?"  
  
Ami said, "In this racket? We'd be better off invading the Dark Kingdom!" Then she stood up suddenly. "OH! I forgot I still have my homework for next year to start!" She raced away.  
  
Luna sweat-dropped.  
  
**  
  
"Nephrite, I don't understand why Queen Beryl doesn't put her plan into action right now!" Jaedite complained. "Those Senshi are giving me enough trouble, not to mention Sailor V in England! We need to get rid of them NOW!"  
  
"Be patient, Jaedite. Sometimes you act so much like Zoicite that it scares me."  
  
"You would compare me to him, Nephrite?"  
  
"Sometimes," Nephrite replied. "Anyway, she'll begin when she's ready. It must be just the right time."  
  
"Will it affect Sailor V as well?"  
  
"She has said that it will, though she may change her plans. I should be finished with that Senshi soon anyway."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"JAEDITE!"  
  
"That's Queen Beryl," Jaedite said. "I'd better go."  
  
**  
  
"Jaedite," Queen Beryl said, looking into her orb. "I want you to start gathering energy for the transfer. We'll need a lot. Don't fail me!"  
  
"Yes, Beryl-sama." Jaedite bowed, then vanished.  
  
"He'd better gather enough energy for this to work. The Sailor Senshi and Sailor V must be gotten rid of!"  
  
**  
  
Rei, Ami, Usagi, and Luna were walking down a sidewalk. It was sunset.  
  
"Luna, I'm tired of walking around! Can't we go home? It's almost dark anyway!" Usagi complained.  
  
"No, Usagi, we have to keep looking!" Luna said firmly.  
  
"Don't think we're not tired too, Usagi," Rei said.  
  
"That's right! We're just as tired as you are Usagi-chan! But I've been picking up Jupiter energy signals have been strongest in this area!" Suddenly Ami gasped.  
  
"What is it, Ami-chan?" Luna asked.  
  
"The signal! It's fading! . . .it's gone."  
  
"That means we can go home now, right Luna?" Usagi said.  
  
Ami and Rei fell over, and Luna got a sweat-drop.  
  
"USAGI THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!" Luna yelled.  
  
Usagi fell over. "Don't yell at me Luna! It's not my fault I'm a delicate girl! I need lots of sleep to dream about my Tuxedo Kamen!"  
  
"YOUR Tuxedo Kamen, Usagi?" Rei said.  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Usagi-chan, you can't keep claiming him for your own!" Ami said. "Who knows, he might be a genius, just waiting for a girl with a 300 IQ to come into his life!"  
  
"Come ON, Ami-chan! He's much too romantic to be so brainy!" Usagi said.  
  
"Yeah!" Rei joined in. "And since when have YOU been interested in Tuxedo Kamen anyway???"  
  
Ami got a sweat-drop. ". . .Well, er, ah, um . . ."  
  
"HEY! EVERYBODY!" Usagi yelled. "You two can keep fighting! But Luna and I are going home so I can dream about Tuxedo Kamen!" She grabbed Luna and ran off.  
  
**  
  
Castanets played rhythmically in the background.  
  
"Sailormoon . . ." Tuxedo Kamen called.  
  
"Oh, Tuxedo Kamen!" Usagi said.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you were Odango-atama?"  
  
"But . . ."  
  
"Tuxedo Mask!" A nauseating high-pitched voice shrieked.  
  
Both Usagi and Tuxedo Kamen turned.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Usagi said. "Who is Tuxedo Mask and why are you in MY Sailor fuku?"  
  
". . .Tuxedo, don't you recognize me?" the girl asked. "It's me, Sailor Moon! This Serena look-alike must be from the Negaverse!"  
  
Tuxedo Kamen straightened his tie and cleared his throat. "You must have mistaken me for someone else, 'Sailor Moon.' I am called Tuxedo KAMEN."  
  
"Serena!" A voice called. It sounded like a twenty-year-old just getting a voice change.  
  
"Chiba-san?" Usagi asked.  
  
"Darien!" Sailor Moon exclaimed.  
  
"Odango-atama . . .?" Mamoru said, from behind. Tuxedo Kamen was gone.  
  
Usagi turned around again. "Chiba-san!" She, Sailor Moon, and Darien were all very confused.  
  
"It appears that someone has made doppelgangers of us, Usagi."  
  
". . . What's a doppel-thingy?" Sailor Moon asked.  
  
"How did you know I'm Sailormoon?!?" Usagi shrieked.  
  
"You're NOT Sailor Moon," Sailor Moon said flatly.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Darien asked.  
  
"SILENCE!" said a voice. "I AM DIC!"  
  
". . . What the--?" Mamoru said.  
  
"DARIEN, THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK 'FOUR-LETTER WORDS'."  
  
"Are you God?" Darien asked.  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
". . . ALMOST. I DETERMINE WHAT YOU AND SAILOR MOON SAY."  
  
"What the ****?!" Darien said, his voice cracking.  
  
"Wouldn't that make you God?" Sailor Moon asked.  
  
A pause again.  
  
". . . NOT EXACTLY . . . OH! AND I ALSO CONTROL WHAT YOUR VOICES SOUND LIKE! HAHAHAHAhaha . . ."  
  
The voice faded away.  
  
"What the ****?!?" Darien exclaimed in his pubescent voice. "I can't say it! What's going on here?!"  
  
"D***!" Sailor Moon tried to say. "Now my voice will be stuck like this forever!"  
  
"USAGI!!!!"  
  
**  
  
Usagi woke up. "Damn!" she said, just making sure. "Good! I'm glad THAT was all a dream! Tuxedo Kamen went away too soon, and those gross people with the weird voices were there . . ."  
  
"USAGI!"  
  
"What, mom? I was sleeping!"  
  
"You're LATE!"  
  
"What? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"Goodbye, Usagi!"  
  
"I'M LATE!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"  
  
**  
  
Usagi stood outside the door to the classroom. "It's not fair," she sighed to herself. "It's not MY fault that I was late. It was that stupid dream! What was with that dream, anyway? I don't BELIEVE that I actually had a dream with that dumb guy Chiba in it! How DARE he come into my dreams!!"  
  
"Usagi, I thought you were going to dream about Tuxedo Kamen!"  
  
"AAAA!" Usagi fell over. "Luna! Don't scare me like that!"  
  
"You should have been paying attention!"  
  
". . .What for? There's nothing to do!"  
  
Luna got a sweat-drop. "Ah, yes, well . . ."  
  
"But Luna, my dream was so strange! There were two Chiba-sans and two mes, but one me was Sailormoon . . ."  
  
". . .Usagi?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"IT WAS JUST A DREAM!"  
  
"AAAAA!" Usagi fell over. "Don't yell at me! I know it was a dream!"  
  
"That's good," Luna muttered.  
  
"Luna, could you POSSIBLY be suggesting that I can't separate reality from fantasy?"  
  
"Uh, no, Usagi, not REALLY . . .Why do you ask?"  
  
Suddenly a hideous youma came crashing down the sidewalk. "TEACHEEE!" it yelled.  
  
"Eeeew, gross!" shrieked Usagi. "Let's get out of here, Luna!"  
  
"Usagi, transform, NOW!"  
  
The youma crashed through the wall leading to Usagi's classroom. The students and the teacher all screamed.  
  
"What are you doing in MY classroom?" Haruna-sensei tried to sound in control.  
  
"TEACHEE!" It grabbed two of the students and began to drain their energy. "TEACHEE!" The youma grew several sets of tentacles and grabbed more children, including Naru and Umino.  
  
"HEY! YOUMA!"  
  
The youma turned around. "TEACHEE!?!"  
  
"You let those students go!"  
  
Naru looked up. "It's. . .Sailormoon!" Then she lost consciousness.  
  
"GRAAAAAAH! TEACHEEE!" The youma dropped its prey and went after Sailormoon.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Sailormoon jumped, barely dodging the youma's attack, and landed on her butt. "Damn!" she said. "That always happens!"  
  
"Need some help, Sailormoon?" Sailormercury!  
  
"SailormercurAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Again she narrowly dodged the youma. "How did you get out of class?"  
  
"I asked the teacher to let me go to the bathroom! SHABON SPRAY!!!"  
  
"Sailormercury, now I can't see!"  
  
"FIRE . . .SOUL!!!"  
  
"Sailormars! How did YOU get here?" Sailormercury asked.  
  
Sailormars got multiple sweat-drops. "ahem . . ."  
  
The youma was recovering from Sailormars' attack, and the fog was clearing.  
  
"Moon Tiara . . .AAAAA!"  
  
The youma attacked her.  
  
"AAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"FIRE SOUL!!!"  
  
That distracted the youma, temporarily.  
  
Meanwhile . . .  
  
**  
  
Luna raced around the school with Mercury's computer in her mouth. "I know she's around here SOMEWHERE . . ." she thought.  
  
**  
  
"AAAAA!" shrieked Sailormars.  
  
"AAAAA!" shrieked Sailormercury.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Sailormoon.  
  
The youma had cornered them.  
  
"SUPREME THUNDER!"  
  
Bolts of lightning knocked the youma away.  
  
"Who are you?" Sailormars asked.  
  
"Sailorjupiter!" the newcomer said.  
  
"Yes, Senshi, this is Sailorjupiter! She is WRAAAAAOW!"  
  
The youma attacked Luna.  
  
"Luna!" Sailormercury cried. "That's it! You've had it, youma! SHABON SPRAY!!!"  
  
"Mercury, we can't see!" Mars said.  
  
"Sorry!"  
  
The monster was attacking, when suddenly . . .  
  
Five roses of different colors came flying down and each hit major pressure points. The youma collapsed, but was still alive.  
  
"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Sailormoon squealed.  
  
A Spanish woman played castanets in the background.  
  
"Sailor Senshi," Tuxedo Kamen said. "It is I."  
  
"AND . . .!"  
  
"Everyone looked past Tuxedo Kamen at the source of the sound. Someone had shot the Spanish woman and in her place four men in tuxedos stood, one poised with an accordion. Another blew on a pitchpipe.  
  
"Oooooh . . .We are tuxedo-suited heroes! As handsome as heroes e'er could be! Out of suit, we could be geeky zeroes! But now no one is sexier than we!"  
  
"Could these be one of the Dark Kingdom's new youma?" Sailorjupiter asked.  
  
"No, they're not EVIL, per se . . ." Mars said. "I don't think they're TRYING to hurt us . . ."  
  
"TUXEDO KAMEN, SAVE ME!" Sailormoon shrieked.  
  
The tuxedoed men continued their song.  
  
"Our identities are secret! You'll never, never know! But for now!  
(now!)  
(now!) Here's the Tuxedo Kamen SHOOOOOW!"  
  
The youma had gotten up, but was paralyzed by the horror of the song. Now it was recovering.  
  
"I am Tuxedo Cape!" A Spaniard said, stepping forward.  
"I am Tuxedo Top-hat!" One with a dark beard exclaimed.  
"I am Tuxedo Cane!"  
"I am Tuxedo Punchbowl!"  
Together: "And we're here to AAAAAUGH!"  
  
The youma had attacked. "TEACHEE!"  
  
"Who are those people, Tuxedo Kamen?"  
  
"Not now, Sailormoon! Quick, the youma was weakened by them!"  
  
"So was I, Tuxedo Kamen!"  
  
"HURRY, Sailormoon!" Sailormars yelled.  
  
"Oh, Mars, you're always so MEAN to me!"  
  
"Enough of this! FIRE SOUL!"  
  
"SHABON SPRAY!"  
  
"SUPREME THUNDER! You can join in any time, Sailormoon!"  
  
"Okay, okay! MOON TIARA ACTION!"  
  
"AARGH! TEACHEEEEYAAAAAA!"  
  
The youma was reduced to dust.  
  
"Now, Tuxedo Kamen, about those other guys . . ." Sailormoon began.  
  
"Tuxedo Kamen got a sweat-drop. "Er, ah, um . . ."  
  
**  
  
"JAEDITE!" Queen Beryl's eyes flashed.  
  
The cowering general appeared before her. "Yes, Beryl-sama?"  
  
"To be quite frank, Jaedite, I'm sick of your shit. You can't even defeat the three Sailor Sen-"  
  
"*ahem* Four."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, JAEDITE?!?"  
  
"There's four of them now, Queen Beryl."  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
"Sailor Jupiter just APPEARED! And there are four more tuxedo men, too!"  
  
"How is this?"  
  
"I don't know, Beryl-sama!"  
  
"You can't use this new Senshi as an excuse! We BARELY gained more energy than we lost! Luckily, the Senshi are all in one place, except Sailor V, and we should have just enough energy for the transfer. Tell Nephrite, Zoicite, and Kunzite to get ready."  
  
"Yes, your Majesty."  
  
**  
  
"We're very, very sorry! We're afraid we have to go! But join us all tomorrow!  
(morrow!)  
(morrow!) On the Tuxedo Kamen SHOOOOW!"  
  
"AAAA! Tuxedo Kamen!"  
  
"I know it's scary, Sailormoon."  
  
"No, some nasty people are surrounding us!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
Tuxedo Punchbowl was smiling, naturally red-faced. "What the hell is going on?"  
  
"What IS going on?" Jupiter asked. "Who ARE those people?"  
  
"They're all of Queen Beryl's Generals! I remember them from the Silver Millennuim!" Luna exclaimed.  
  
"Nice to see you again, Luna!" Nephrite said. "Don't worry, you'll be out of our way soon enough!"  
  
"NOW!" Kunzite yelled. The four put their hands out and a power began to grow around them.  
  
Suddenly another Senshi appeared, with a white cat, in a poof of smoke. "What the fuck?!"  
  
"Sailor V!" Sailormoon exclaimed.  
  
"Not now, Sailormoon!" Mercury sighed.  
  
"What is this?" Jupiter yelled.  
  
"Tuxedo Kamen! Help!"  
  
Sailormercury had her computer out and her goggles on. "They're going to teleport us!"  
  
"Where?" Sailormars yelled.  
  
"I can't tell! The destination is the same kind of energy reading I'd been getting before – those weird signals!"  
  
Sailormars gasps.  
  
Sailorjupiter gasps.  
  
Tuxedo Kamen gasps.  
  
Sailormoon gasps.  
  
Sailor V, Luna, and the white cat all gasp.  
  
"What's going on here!?" Tuxedo Top-hat yelled.  
  
"Didn't you just hear?" Sailorjupiter yelled.  
  
"I'm not gonna make it!" Zoicite moaned.  
  
"Hang on, Zoicite my love! You'll make it!" Kunzite yelled frantically, compensating for Zoicite's lack of energy with more from him.  
  
"I can see through my hand! Where am I?!" Sailormoon shrieked.  
  
"Sailormoon!" Tuxedo Kamen called.  
  
** **  
  
Silence.  
  
** **  
  
. . .to be Continued . . . 


	2. Part 2: the exciting conclusion

~ Title: Usagi in DIC-Land (part 2 of 2) ~ Fandom: Sailormoon (first season)  
  
~ Author: Tofumalfoy (tofumalfoy @ yahoo.com)  
  
~ Rating: PG-13  
  
~ Category: humor, parody-ish ~ Warnings: scattered profanity, utter confusion, hints of homosexuality (Kunzite x Zoicite, Nephrite x Jaedite), major character death (but come on, folks, it's supposed to be funny)  
  
~ Archive: Ask and ye shall receive ~ Disclaimer: The story's mine, the characters aren't. How depressing. Except the members of "The Tuxedo Kamen Show." They _are_ mine, and that's depressing too. ~ Feedback: I am aching to know what people think of this one. Sooo . . . .pleeeeeeeeeease??? ^.^  
  
~ Notes: This was my first-ever fic and it still manages to amuse me, though it's somewhat out-of-date now that up to SuperS has been dubbed. To anyone who didn't know, DIC was the original butcherer of Sailormoon for America and Canada.  
Please also note that this fic is potentially confusing as hell, because it features the casts of both the original Japanese series _and_ the North American dub, with only slight variations as to spelling. My apologies if it's too anally spelling-dependent.  
  
~ Vocabulary: Senshi: soldier/warrior  
henshin: transform  
fuku: clothes/uniform  
Odango-atama: dumpling head (Mamoru's nickname for Usagi)  
  
** **  
  
Silence.  
  
** **  
  
Sailor V sat up and looked around. "Artemis, where are we? What happened?"  
"I don't know, Sailor V."  
She took off her mask. "Everyone else is still unconscious. We should look around."  
"Right."  
Tuxedo Kamen groaned, and slowly sat up. He picked up his mask, which was lying beside him, and put it back on. He got up and turned around, looking at Sailor V.  
"You must be Sailor V," he said.  
"Yeah," she said. (I hadn't noticed how SEXY he was before!) She bit her lip. "Artemis and I were just going to go scouting. Wanna, uh, come along?"  
Behind the mask, an eyebrow was raised.  
(Oh, no, he thinks I'm a total loser.)  
"Artemis?"  
"My cat." She pointed.  
"Hi." Artemis waved.  
"Hello."  
(I wonder what color his eyes are!) "Huh?" She hadn't been paying attention!  
"I said you should go on. I'll stay behind and watch over . . ." He was going to say Sailormoon. "The others."  
(He doesn't want to come with me.) "Okay. C'mon, Artemis."  
Tuxedo Kamen watched them go. (Another Senshi with a schoolgirl crush on me . . .at least this one has enough reason to go look around.) "This place looks familiar, though . . ."  
"Tuxedo Kamen . . ."  
He whirled around. Sailormoon was still unconscious, asleep now. He smiled. She could sleep, for now.  
Sailorjupiter and Sailormercury got up, rubbing their heads.  
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Mercury said.  
"Sailormercury. Sailorjupiter."  
"Wasn't Sailor V here, too?" Saiorjupiter asked, looking around.  
"She went scouting."  
". . .Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailormoon said.  
Jupiter and Mercury turned around.  
"She's asleep," Tuxedo Kamen said.  
"Oh," Jupiter said.  
"Aren't you embarrassed that she talks about you in her sleep?" Mercury asked.  
"It's alright," he replied. "I don't mind."  
"I hope Sailormars and Sailormoon get up soon," Jupiter said, eyeing the four other Tuxedo Men nervously. "Then we can get out of here!"  
"Don't forget," Tuxedo Kamen said. "We still have to wait for Sailor V and Artemis to get back."  
"Hey!" Sailormercury said suddenly. "Where's Luna?"  
"Mraaaaow!" came a pitiful cry from underneath Sailormoon.  
"Luna!" Sailormercury cried.  
"Sailormercury! Help me get out from under here! I can't breathe!"  
"Maybe we should just wake her up," Sailorjupiter suggested.  
"Easier said than done," Mercury said. "But it's worth a try."  
  
**  
  
Queen Beryl was sitting on her throne. "Jedite! Nephlyte! Come before me!"  
The two generals appeared.  
"Yes, your majesty?" Jedite said.  
"I've detected an unusual energy surge on the earth. I can't identify its source from here. You two go check it out."  
"Yes, Queen Beryl," Nephlyte said.  
The two bowed, then vanished.  
  
**  
  
Sailor V came back running, out of breath. Her eyes were abnormally wide (which was not altogether unusual) and her face was pale. Artemis, behind her, looked pretty much the same. Of course, being a white cat, that could be expected.  
"What is it, Sailor V?" Sailormars asked. "Did you find something?"  
Sailor V nodded. "WE'RE IN TOKYO NOW!!!"  
Sailormercury got a sweat-drop. "Um, Sailor V, we were already in Tokyo!"  
"Oh. Well, we're STILL in Tokyo!"  
Everyone gasped, except the Tuxedo Men, who were still unconscious.  
Tuxedo Top-hat began to stir.  
Luna, noting this, said, "Let's continue this conversation elsewhere." She pointed to the Tuxedo Men, who were slowly rousing.  
Everyone heartily agreed that it was a good idea.  
They all went outside. It seemed they had been in a big warehouse on the edge of Tokyo.  
"This LOOKS like Tokyo . . ." Sailorjupiter said.  
"Something feels wrong," Mars said. "It's Tokyo, but . . .it's different."  
"I find it hard to believe that Queen Beryl would just send us to a different part of Tokyo," Sailor V said.  
"I agree," Sailormercury said. She activated her goggles and data computer. "My readings are back to normal, but I'm picking up some new energy readings that are almost exactly the same as the ones we give off! I don't understand it!"  
"This calls for an investigation, Senshi!" Luna said.  
"But Luna, I'm so TIRED!" Sailormoon said. "Tuxedo Kamen-" She turned. "What, where did he go?!? TUXEDO KAMEN!!!"  
"He just . . ." Jupiter began.  
"Oh, he always does that," Mars said. Sailormoon just likes to pretend he doesn't."  
"But he loves me!" Sailormoon shrieked.  
Meanwhile, Artemis and Sailor V had been arguing. Finally Sailor V stood up. She had a distant look on her face. "Artemis and I have decided that I am supposed to officially join the Sailor Team of Tokyo. I'm Sailorvenus now."  
Everyone was silent for a moment. They all seemed to realize what a sacrifice she was making. Except . . .  
WOW!! Sailor V on out team!?! We'll be invincible!" Sailormoon raved.  
Jupiter, Luna, Mercury, and Mars fell over.  
"I guess there ought to be introductions . . ." Sailorvenus said.  
"But you just TOLD us you were Sailorvenus!" Sailormoon exclaimed.  
Sailormars stuck out her hand. "I'm Hino Rei."  
Venus accepted the hand. "Aino Minako."  
"Mizuno Ami."  
"Kino Makoto."  
"Luna."  
There was a silence momentarily.  
"SAILORMOON!" Mars hissed.  
There was a silence, momentarily.  
"Oh!" Sailormoon said. "I'm Tsukino Usagi!"  
"And I'm Artemis," the cat said.  
"So, let's go after those energy signals!" Venus tried to sound cheerful. She picked the wrong topic.  
Luna, Artemis, and the other Senshi looked at her strangely.  
"Hey, what's going on?" a voice from inside the warehouse said.  
"Uh, oh," Sailormars said.  
"Those Tuxedo Men are conscious again! We'd better get away fast!" Jupiter whispered.  
"Sailormoon, HURRY!" Luna panted as they ran.  
"I'm COMING, Luna!"  
"The signals are getting stronger!" Mercury cried as they ran farther away from the warehouse.  
"STOP!" Sailormars yelled.  
They were in front of Hikawa Shrine.  
  
**  
  
"Raye, I don't WANNA rake leaves! Luna, WHY do we have to rake LEAVES?" Serena wailed.  
"Give it a rest, Serena," Lita sighed. "You've been going on like that for an hour! We told Raye we'd help out!"  
"You're such a brat, Serena! It's not going to kill you!" Raye said.  
"Come on, Serena, just ONE leaf and you can take a break, okay?" Luna cried, exasperated.  
"Wait, everyone!" Raye said. "I feel a strange energy coming closer!"  
"Is it the Negaverse, Raye?" Mina asked.  
"No . . ." Raye said.  
"Amy, what about your data computer?" Luna asked.  
"It's definitely not the Negaverse!" Amy said. "It's . . .it's us!"  
  
**  
  
The Senshi stepped back into the shadows of a group of trees.  
"We might as well transform down so we won't be so conspicuous," Sailorvenus said.  
"Good idea!" Sailorjupiter replied.  
  
**  
  
"Queen Beryl, I have a report to make." Nephlyte appeared.  
"Speak, then, Nephlyte. What did you find?"  
"A new set of Sailor Scouts has appeared out of nowhere. They look exactly like the old ones, but their voices are different. They could not be the same ones."  
"MORE Sailor Scouts to deal with? You can barely handle the ones that were already here!"  
"I'm sorry, Queen Beryl."  
"Never mind that for now. Keep them under observation."  
"Yes, your Majesty."  
  
**  
  
Five normal-looking civilians and two cats stepped very inconspicuously out of the shadows. They headed to the temple that Rei had identified as her grandfather's.  
"Look!" Luna hissed.  
They all gasped.  
Four normal-looking civilians stood raking leaves, one lay down fanning herself, and two cats sat looking exasperated.  
". . .It's us!" Ami whispered.  
Makoto counted them off. "Rei, Ami, Minako, Usagi . . .all of us!"  
"I don't understand!" Usagi complained.  
"We must have been teleported to a parallel world!" Ami cried.  
"So the readings you got were actually from this dimension?" Rei asked.  
"Sure looks like it," Minako said.  
"They've seen us," Artemis hissed.  
"Let's go," Makoto said firmly.  
Slowly they began to walk towards the look-alikes, who were convening at the end of the walkway, by the temple.  
"Who are you?" Raye asked.  
"Hino Rei," Rei said.  
"Aino Minako."  
"Kino Makoto."  
"Mizuno Ami."  
"I'm Tsukino Usagi!"  
Luna sighed. "Luna."  
"Artemis."  
The groups looked each other over for a while.  
"And you?" Minako said finally.  
"Raye."  
"Amy."  
"Lita."  
"Luna."  
"Mina."  
"Artemis."  
They all turned and looked at Serena. Raye gave her a light kick in the side.  
"AAAAAAH!" She jumped up. "Don't DO that, Raye! Oh!" She saw the newcomers. "I'm Serena!"  
Usagi drew in her breath sharply. That voice! The same as in her dreams!  
"What are you doing here? Why do you look like us?" Lita demanded.  
"I doubt you'd believe us . . ." Makoto began.  
"No, Mako-chan," Ami said. "If they're us, they're probably Senshi too, right?"  
"Senshi?" Raye asked.  
"Yeah, you know . . .Sailor suits, love and justice...that kind of stuff!" Usagi exclaimed.  
"Oh!" Mina said. "You mean Sailor Scouts! Yeah, we do that."  
"'Scouts' is a stupid word . . ." Artemis said under his breath.  
"Shut up!" Artemis said. "We could kick your little 'Senshi' butts all over Tokyo!"  
"Artemis, don't!" Amy said. "Maybe they can help us in our fight against Queen Beryl!"  
"Queen Beryl?!?" Rei said. The others were startled as well.  
"Yes!" Ami exclaimed. "I understand now! We're in a parallel world!"  
"You've told us THAT much already . . ." Makoto said.  
Ami got a sweat-drop.  
"What she means, Senshi," Luna began, "is that, if there are doubles of us here, we can assume that there will be a Queen Beryl here, too!"  
"Ooooh!" Usagi squealed. "And another Tuxedo Kamen! I'll have TWO!"  
"USAGI!!" Rei said.  
"What do you mean, DOUBLES??" The other Luna said accusingly. "I'm old enough to be your MOTHER, at least! Doubles, indeed!"  
"Yeah, I thought you looked like you were past your prime . . ."  
The alternate universe Artemis looked from Luna to Luna as the elder began to hiss. "You have to admit, Luna," he said. "You HAVE been a bit frazzled lately . . ."  
"ROWRRR!" The fur on Luna's back bristled. "I'd like to SEE you take me on, young one!"  
"My treat," Luna said through her teeth.  
"What the . . .?? Luna!" Usagi looked from cat to cat.  
"Ummm . . .Luna, what's going on here?" Serena asked.  
"Stay back, Serena," her cat said through gritted teeth. "This is MY fight!"  
Suddenly the whole yard exploded into arguments.  
"I BET YOUR FIRE READINGS AREN'T HALF AS ACCURATE AS MINE!!" Raye yelled.  
"OH, YEAH?? Well, my Fire Soul can beat your Mars Fire ANY day!"  
"My IQ test results actually came up 300.5!" Amy said.  
"Mine were 300.75!" Ami exclaimed.  
"I COOKED MY FIRST FIVE-LAYER CAKE WHEN I WAS IN 3RD GRADE!" Lita said, throwing a right hook.  
Makoto blocked expertly. "I never made a measly five-layer! My first EIGHT-layer cake came out perfect when I was five!"  
"I kicked more ass as Sailor V that you ever will!" Minako cried.  
Mina gasped. "You said the 'A' word!"  
Artemis was getting pissed off. "My Luna's sexier than your Luna!"  
Parallel world Artemis was going to reply heatedly, but instead thought for a moment. "You know," he said, looking at the two Lunas fighting. "You're right." And he walked away. Artemis followed him.  
  
**  
  
"NEPHLYTE!!" Queen Beryl's eyes flashed.  
"Yes, Queen Beryl?"  
"WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE???"  
"It, uh, appears that the sets of Scouts are fighting each other in their civilian clothes at the Cherry Hill Temple. They'll probably end up killing each other!"  
"Well, send a monster down there!"  
"Yes, Queen Beryl."  
  
**  
  
A red rose landed in the middle of the fights. Then another crossed it. Usagi and Serena, who had been arguing over who could eat rice faster, looked up.  
"Tuxedo Mask!" One shrieked and got heart eyes.  
"Tuxedo Kamen!" The other shrieked and got heart eyes.  
"Usagi, Senshi . . ." Tuxedo Kamen began.  
"Serena, Scouts . . ." Tuxedo Mask began.  
Suddenly, four other roses flashed by. A pitchpipe could be heard in the distance.  
They sang: "Oh, we are tuxedo-suited AAAAAH!"  
"TEACHEE!" The monster howled.  
"It's that same youma!" Makoto said. "Let's transform!"  
"Mercury Power . . .!!"  
"Mars Power . . .!!"  
"Jupiter Power . . .!!"  
"Venus Power . . .!!"  
"Moon Prism Power . . .!!"  
"MAKE UP!" They all yelled in unison.  
"We can't let them beat our own monster, can we?" Lita yelled.  
"No way!" Raye said. "MARS . . .POWER!"  
"VENUS POWER!"  
"MERCURY POWER!"  
"JUPITER POWER!"  
"MOON PRISM POWER!"  
"TRANSFORM!" They all yelled in unison.  
"Wow," said Tuxedo Mask. "That monster took out those four guys with just one hit! But where are they now?"  
". . .I didn't realize those transformations took so damn long!" Tuxedo Kamen said.  
  
**  
  
"I got this guy!" Sailormars said. "Fire . . ."  
"Mars Fire IGNITE!" Sailor Mars' fire hit the monster.  
"Fire SOULLL!"  
"AAAAH!" Sailor Mars screamed as she was burnt to a crisp.  
"That's for taking my shot," Sailormars said, blowing smoke off her fingers.  
"RAYE!" Sailor Mercury screamed. "Why you . . .MERCURY BUBBLES . . .BLAST!"  
The whole area fogged up.  
"Dammit, even I'M not that dense!" Sailormercury said.  
"I can't see!" Sailor Moon shrieked. "Tuxedo Mask!"  
"SUPREME . . .THUNDER!"  
"AAARGH!" The monster gurgled.  
"Jupiter Thunder . . .Crash!"  
"AAAAUGH!" Sailormars was electrocuted.  
"Rei-chan!" Sailormercury yelled. "Shining Aqua ILLUSION!!"  
"AAAUGH!" Sailor Jupiter froze to death.  
"Sailormercury, you're not even supposed to have that power yet!" Luna yelled.  
"Sorry, Luna! I was just tired of having those wimpy bubble powers! AAAA!"  
The monster hit her hard. She died.  
"Crescent Beam!" Sailorvenus hit the youma directly.  
"I can do that!" Sailor Venus said. "Venus Crescent Beam . . .SMASH!!"  
"AAAAAH!"  
"Sailormercury!" Venus cried. "I KNEW I needed to work on my aim! I'll try again! Venus Crescent Beam Smash!"  
"AAAA!" Sailorvenus fell to her knees. "You . . .BITCH!" Then she died.  
"Oops!" Sailor Venus said. "I was actually going for the monster . . ."  
"RRAOWRR!"  
  
**CRUNCH**  
  
"Luna!" cried Sailormoon.  
"Luna!" cried Sailor Moon.  
"TEACHEE!" The monster grinned. It had stepped on the two.  
"Luna!" Sailorjupiter yelled. "SUPREME THUNDER!"  
"AARGH!"  
"And this is for Minako! SUPREME THUNDER!"  
"AAAAAH!" Sailor Venus died.  
"AND THIS IS FOR YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING TO STOP THEM! SUPREME THUNDER!"  
"AAAH!" Sailor Moon was killed.  
"Dammit, that was my girlfriend!" Tuxedo Mask said. He extended his cane and was about to bring it down on Sailorjupiter when another such cane greeted it.  
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailorjupiter exclaimed gratefully. "AAAA!" The monster got her at last.  
"DAMN YOU, DIE, BASTARD!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled.  
Tuxedo Mask moved his mouth a lot, but no words came out.  
Finally Tuxedo Kamen punched him with his free hand. He drew a rose from inside his cape and jabbed it into Tuxedo Mask's heart.  
"Sailormoon, the youma!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled to her. Until that point she had been sitting absentmindedly on a tree stump. "It should be weak enough! NOW!"  
"Right! MOON TIARA ACTION!"  
"AAARGH! TEACHEE!!" It faded to dust.  
  
**  
  
"Sailormoon . . .?"  
"Yes, Tuxedo Kamen?"  
"We're alone now . . .and . . ." He took her into his arms.  
Suddenly a voice called from the heavens.  
  
"NOT IN MY DIMENSION!"  
  
Sailormoon looked up at the sky. "Aw, shove it, DIC!"  
  
**  
  
The four Tuxedo Men stood in a dark area.  
"Where are we?" Tuxedo Cape asked.  
"No idea," said Tuxedo Top-hat, sniffing one of his roses.  
"Well, what should we do?" asked Tuxedo Cane.  
Suddenly they were practically blinded by numerous spotlights.  
Queen Beryl glared at them. "WHO ARE YOU?!?"  
All of her Negaverse minions stood behind them, growling menacingly.  
"Let's sing the song!" Tuxedo Punchbowl suggested.  
"Good idea!" Tuxedo Top-hat said, clapping Punchbowl on the shoulder.  
"OOOOH . . .We are tuxedo-suited heroes!"  
"What is this, Queen Beryl?" Malachite yelled.  
"I can't explain it! It's too powerful to withstand!"  
"As handsome as heroes e'er could be!"  
"It's destroying us!" Jedite wailed.  
"Out of suit, we could be geeky zeroes . . ."  
"How did they get here?" Zoicite shrieked.  
"But now no one is sexier than weeeeeee!"  
  
**  
  
Off in a corner of the Negaverse, Nephlyte sat calmly with earplugs in his ears.  
  
FIN. 


End file.
